When you search for love, do you search for emotional high, physical pleasure and inner satisfaction? Do you seek the one who will understand all your needs, who you are, and what you can be? He or she must be worthy at the same time of your companionship? And if not, you'll search for another ONE? Is it love? Or is it trade? Are you trying to buy (emotionally, physically or literally) someone to keep up at your demands? The product which will eventually expire like every other. But you are smart, you will think of a plan in advance so that you never ever feel the burden of what you've chosen to be your LOVE. So I'm going to ask you again, what IS love?
Love truly can be emotional high, pleasure, passion and inner satisfaction. I truly believe love must be the essence of everything we do. Romantic love is more and more becoming an issue in these modern times and we all agree that the fairy tales aren't real life. But still, so many lonely and unhappy people, divorces, disappointed lives. So let's redefine romantic love without losing the word ''love'', cause romance alone is nothing more than a vain pursuit for your own personal fairy tale.
Romantic love is when you decide your partner is irreplaceable. It's the courage to keep walking together no matter the highs and the lows. Romantic love is unshakable trust in you and your partners common destiny. It is respecting each other as individuals, encouraging each others individuality, listening, feeling each other hearts, giving care and being taking care of in the same time. Sometimes it hurts, because you carry not just your own, but also your partners burden. And for the same reason, sometimes it is like a fairy tale. It is like saying: ''I am here for you and your life because I know you are here for me and my life.'' And while being on the same path, you have decided to fight together, as friends, not as the enemies. They will throw stones at you from now and then, you will be shaken with life's serial, but you always know: you're in this together. ''Today I might not like you, and I might not like myself, but your hand is still in my hand. It's saying, ''I respect you for all of what you are, cause you are part of me, and I am part of you. Unconditionally, shamelessly.'' And is one rare two-way street-romantic love.
In fact, every love should be like that. In friendship, in family, as the human empathy. But somehow, somewhere, someone has changed all the rules making us sound infantile for believing in love. However, no words can mask the true meaning of things instinctively felt in our hearts. I guess today, living for love in general is a true act of rebellion.
Today's love: Fish love
This is how Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski speaks of love. He goes to the core of the matter. You can listen and watch the entire speech here.
''Love is a word that in our culture has almost lost its meaning now. Very interesting story about the Rabbi who came across a young man who was clearly enjoying the dish of fish that he was eating, and he said to the young man, ''Why are you eating the fish? - Because I love fish.'' He said, ''Oh you love fish, that's why you took it out of the water and killed it.'' He said, ''Don't tell me you love the fish, you love yourself. And because the fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water, and killed it, and boiled it. ''
So much of what is love is fish love. And so, young couple falls in love, young man and young woman fall in love, what does that mean? That means that he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him with all his physical emotional needs, and she thought in this man somebody she feels that she can write ''that was love'', but each one was looking out for their own needs. It's not love for the other, the other person becomes a vehicle for my gratification. Too much of what is called love is fish love. Love is not what I'm gonna get but what I'm gonna give . We had an ethicist rabbi Deshler who said that people make serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love. And the real answer is you love those to whom you give. And his point is , if I give something to you, I've invested myself in you. And since self-love is given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become in you, there's part of me in you that I love. So true love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.
''Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.''
- Oscar Wilde